My Teeth, My Tysabri, My MS, My Sanity

"Whenever you feel lost, alone, depressed, or hopeless, consider this: That dark, powerful pain is your gift. Dig deep and feel it, then use it as your fuel. Make the world a better place by offering to others what you wish had been offered to you." -Sue Frederick

I am wrapping up two weeks of dental hell. Had a filling replaced and a crown installed, but the trauma to the tooth necessitated a root canal. I had part 1 of the root canal last Monday and part II on Thursday. The pain did not begin to cease until Sunday. I was taking antibiotics beginning Thursday night so I assume that there was an infection, and that is why the pain kept on going. Today, I went the entire day with no ibuprofen, so I think I am over the really bad stuff.

Of course, the tooth trauma messes with MS and the infection wasn't helping any. I realized last week I was more than a week behind on my Tysabri schedule somehow. I couldn't get scheduled until today. I drove all the way down there and found out I can't do Tysabri while on an antibiotic. That never happened before! Gotta wait 10 days, which translates into 2 more weeks. So I have basically will have skipped nearly two months of treatment. I am stupidly tired and crabby as a result of all of the above, plus no Ty.

Too bad, I think I need something. Two weeks isn't that long to wait. I don't like messing with any of it, however. My teeth, my Tysabri, my MS, my sanity.

Now that I'm done with the Vicodin, the ibuprofen, and almost done with the antibiotics, I can get back on track with my probiotics and supplements. I've been fighting a cold off since Sunday night as well. Perhaps like celebrity deaths, physical problems come in threes - root canals, infections and colds. Maybe tomorrow I can be past the lot of it!

I looked up when my last root canal was - about 8 months ago. I'm remembering now that it was no picnic either. But this one was certainly the worst one yet.

Tomorrow I drive back down to the hospital to see a new neurologist. My regular one is too busy. There's a six month wait to see him. We're supposed to review my recent MRI, and I have Tysabri questions for him. I'm at the two year mark, and am wondering about the smartest course for the future.

This past weekend, my family went on a church retreat in the mountains. My son really wanted to go, so we went. It worked out great for him. Not so sure about the rest of us. It was hard because I was in so much pain the whole time. I was in no mood for personal growth. I didn't like how controlling people were around certain things - the kids and the schedule, primarily. I also grew to understand that generally, my church believes a lot of stuff that I don't. I love God, but not religion. This particular religion might be the closest I've gotten to being able to tolerate one, but I ran into some roadblocks on the retreat. So I need time to think.

I also became more aware of my increasing propensity to attract flakes. By flakes, I mean people who don't do what they say they will, or do things that seem quite strange and unstable to me. The problem I have with it is that I get involved with them too closely and get hurt, because I forget that they are basically a flake, at least for now.

On the positive side of things, I read a good blog post in the New York times by a guy, Dana Jennings, recovering from prostate cancer. He reminded me to be grateful, and to look forward to my sweetened green tea tomorrow morning. I felt compelled to post a comment and mentioned my cancer vs. MS story. I notice it's hard when everyone around you is feeling grateful and you are not. I somehow opened up my heart and grokked what was true, and was able to feel it.

School starts in two weeks. I cannot bear it. I have to get my energy back.

"Make the world a better place by offering to others what you wish had been offered to you".

I'm thinking about what that is.