So who's to say what causes what. Maybe it's just the infections. Maybe it's the treatment. Maybe it's dancing like Elaine to Zeparella. In any case, I woke up Saturday with that run over by a truck feeling that only MS or 10.5 hours of surgery can bring. Couldn't lift my arms, etc. I had to go pick up my daughter from her friends, so I got in the car and drove. I came home, lay back down and did not get back up again until today. Today was not much better. I got up and went to church to try and goad myself into feeling better. It just doesn't work. So I've been down and out for the rest of the day.
Something about me is, when I am feeling good - I do stuff. I love being productive, and playing piano, and playing Rock Band with my son, and driving Dagny wherever she needs to go. So when I can't do stuff, you know I am in trouble.
I feel confident that this will pass in a few days. I really believe the diet will support a swift recovery. I truly hope that by Tuesday or Wednesday I am back in action.
Last spring, when I had a particular bad episode, I applied for disability. I found out in early January that it had been approved. I was surprised - they had given me such a hard time and I figured they didn't 'get' MS and it wasn't going to happen. I did a fair amount of work getting them all the information they asked for - wrote up a mini-master's thesis on why working part-time can benefit people with MS. I gave it to Rae, the PA at the neurology clinic, and she took it, added a great cover page and last paragraph, put her name on it and sent it to them. I think that was the thing they needed.
So my part-time schedule started this month. My position changed - less direct responsibility. It's about 16 hours per week. It's a relief to know that if I have to be sick, I can be. At the same time, I don't know why I would be so fortunate to have this work out for me. I have made my peace with letting go of my work 'identity', and everything that goes along with that. I started doing that last spring when I was having that major episode. I worked part-time through October. I knew that it was what I needed to be doing, and it gave me a chance to do all the research on the nutritional MS stuff and start giving it a try.
I am watching a bad Matthew McConaughy movie. Is there any other kind? I'm not a fan. But Zooey Deschanel is in it. Meanwhile, I am breaking out the Smooth Move, and hoping to detox all the crap out. Literally. I want to feel better.