Best Onion Article ever?
Shitload Of Math Due Monday
A perfect example of the last-minute crap Mrs. Trella loves to spring on sixth period.
OLD BRIDGE, NJ—In what many are calling a complete bullshit move, Riverside High School algebra teacher Mrs. Trella, 34, assigned her sixth-period class an assload of math homework due Monday.
The homework, which included a number of impossible to solve word problems, several stupid equations, and a bunch of other pointless crap, was assigned at the end of class on Friday. According to sources, Trella handed out the homework at approximately 2:43 p.m., even though it was a completely unfair thing to do and would totally screw over everyone's weekend.
"She assigned it right before the bell rang," said ninth-grader Kenny Riley, who claimed that the last thing he needed was to spend all day Sunday looking at some retarded math book. "I was packing up my stuff to go when Mrs. Trella comes out of nowhere and gives us, like, four huge pages of work to take home."
Added Riley, "Fuuuuuuccck."
In addition to its poor timing, students expressed outrage Friday over the length of the math assignment, which some estimated would take fucking forever to complete, and was even more tedious than that lame history project from Mr. Shepard's global studies class.
Students also cited the need to show one's work, circle final answers to get full credit, and use the quadratic formula—whatever that is—as leading indicators of how hard the homework sucked.
"We did so much work in class already," said Michelle Siringano, who still plans to go to the mall with several friends on Saturday. "Mrs. Trella just wants us to be as miserable as she is."
According to a recent survey, Trella pulls this kind of stupid bullshit all the time. In November, the 34-year-old announced a surprise math test that wasn't even about stuff that made any sense, while earlier this year, Trella reportedly lost her mind and assigned homework on the very first day of school.
Sources still have not confirmed what the fuck that was about.
Some students have warned that if classmates did not complete last week's assignment on polynomials there was no way in hell they were going to understand Friday's work. Making matters worse, students said, was their math textbook, which reportedly doesn't even have any of the freaking answers in the back.
So far, various attempts have been made to get out of doing the required work. Many students, such as Daniel Gill, have considered leaving their heavy-ass bags in their lockers and coming in early on Monday to copy the answers from that douche Brian Raffel.
Still others planned to come up with some kind of genius excuse before Monday, such as forgetting their assignment on the bus, getting food poisoning, or maybe having their grandmother pass away over the week- end and being way too sad to think about doing math.
Despite being a total nut-job who hates her life and probably never gets laid, Trella claimed that assigning the weekend work wasn't something she wanted to do.
"We were falling a little behind," the conniving bitch said. "I just wanted them to catch up so they wouldn't have any extra work to do over the break." 
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