Sunday, August 10, 2008
Might as well jump
One of my favorite cover versions of a song ever was Aztec Camera's "Jump".
I was talking to my friend Paul the other day about both versions of "Jump" and what they might mean. To me, Aztec Camera threw a slightly different, more suicidal-y spin on it, with a killer guitar solo. Of course, I first heard the AC version while in grad school, so I might have been putting my own spin on it.
However, whether depressing or infectiously fun, I've always taken the song to mean "hey, whatever you're considering? Try it? What have you got to lose?" The VH version is quite joyous, to me. And Eddie V-H is at the height of his adorable Eddie V-H-ness. David Lee is a little preoccupied with his hair in the video, but still, he's funny in it as well. And I guess that DLR really is doing his own backflips. I wondered.
Early this week I got the Macrobid to help get rid of the UTI I had developed last weekend. Wow, Macrobid is pretty harsh. I'll leave out the side effect descriptions - let's just say I've renewed my love for acidolphilus. I only have 5 days of it, and today is the last one. Hooray. I felt some improvement finally yesterday. Last night had a gig with my band and today I'm zapped out again today. Small wonder - there seems to be a price to pay for all outbursts of creative energy.
Something has been building in me for a few years. There was a time where I was so super healthy, in terms my of diet, exercise and all that. I couldn't usually sustain it for more than six or nine months. I'd fall off the wagon and start again. Two or three years ago I was getting reallly tired of MS 'ucking with me and went on a raw food diet. I'd done it before. Invariably, I end up white-knuckling it and become rather obsessed with food. What's true is a have a major increase in energy, usually, when I am helping my body that way. I am extremely sensitive to diet and I pay a constant price for whatever crap I eat. After 4 months of that diet, I spontaneously combusted and slowly got back to the 'whatever' diet. I don't think I ate a green vegetable for 6 months after that. Now I eat whatever I want. Which is not *that* bad, but not as good as it could be for someone in my sitch. Eventually, I'm back to diet soda, sugar and white flour. My weight rise and falls within about 15 lbs accordingly.
I've resisted trying to be 'healthy' again. Lots of neurotic reasons for that, some of which I've blogged about. Recently, I started having thoughts. Like, 'I want that feeling back'. "I want my body back". "I don't want to rely on caffeine to feel good." I *know* what to do, I just haven't wanted to do it. I've been inspired by both Anne's and CC's blogs along the way.
This past UTI infection prompted me to think, you know, if there is any thing I can control in this whole MS deal, I'd like to try. I made a deal with myself when I went on Tysabri (12 months ago), that I would do my part as well. I did ok, but not as good as I'd like to. So on Monday, I didn't decide - I just let go of my daily caffeine and chose some things that are better for me, particularly when MS is flaring up. Today is day number 7. Hooray! I don't feel fabulous, yet. But I have hope that I will. I am not going drug-free or anything like that. Just wanting to give my body less to have to battle, and more that can actually help it. The trick for me is to stay balanced. It's not easy for me.
I think, for me to want to live as well as I can, I have to really value it. And also, maybe it helps not to be depressed. I have always had issues with depression and although I'm a lifelong antidepressant fan, I still struggle with it. Of course, one of the things that can help or hinder my depressions is my diet, etc.
I might blog more about what it is that I do when I'm "healthy trrish". I'd love to blur the boundary line between "healthy trrish" and "whatever trrish". Binary isn't the way to go.
So, if you read this, send me your psychic and cosmic support. And I'll send you some back. Note to flax seed oil: I'm baack.