Sunday, August 10, 2008

Might as well jump

One of my favorite cover versions of a song ever was Aztec Camera's "Jump".

I was talking to my friend Paul the other day about both versions of "Jump" and what they might mean. To me, Aztec Camera threw a slightly different, more suicidal-y spin on it, with a killer guitar solo. Of course, I first heard the AC version while in grad school, so I might have been putting my own spin on it.

However, whether depressing or infectiously fun, I've always taken the song to mean "hey, whatever you're considering? Try it? What have you got to lose?" The VH version is quite joyous, to me. And Eddie V-H is at the height of his adorable Eddie V-H-ness. David Lee is a little preoccupied with his hair in the video, but still, he's funny in it as well. And I guess that DLR really is doing his own backflips. I wondered.

Early this week I got the Macrobid to help get rid of the UTI I had developed last weekend. Wow, Macrobid is pretty harsh. I'll leave out the side effect descriptions - let's just say I've renewed my love for acidolphilus. I only have 5 days of it, and today is the last one. Hooray. I felt some improvement finally yesterday. Last night had a gig with my band and today I'm zapped out again today. Small wonder - there seems to be a price to pay for all outbursts of creative energy.

Something has been building in me for a few years. There was a time where I was so super healthy, in terms my of diet, exercise and all that. I couldn't usually sustain it for more than six or nine months. I'd fall off the wagon and start again. Two or three years ago I was getting reallly tired of MS 'ucking with me and went on a raw food diet. I'd done it before. Invariably, I end up white-knuckling it and become rather obsessed with food. What's true is a have a major increase in energy, usually, when I am helping my body that way. I am extremely sensitive to diet and I pay a constant price for whatever crap I eat. After 4 months of that diet, I spontaneously combusted and slowly got back to the 'whatever' diet. I don't think I ate a green vegetable for 6 months after that. Now I eat whatever I want. Which is not *that* bad, but not as good as it could be for someone in my sitch. Eventually, I'm back to diet soda, sugar and white flour. My weight rise and falls within about 15 lbs accordingly.

I've resisted trying to be 'healthy' again. Lots of neurotic reasons for that, some of which I've blogged about. Recently, I started having thoughts. Like, 'I want that feeling back'. "I want my body back". "I don't want to rely on caffeine to feel good." I *know* what to do, I just haven't wanted to do it. I've been inspired by both Anne's and CC's blogs along the way.

This past UTI infection prompted me to think, you know, if there is any thing I can control in this whole MS deal, I'd like to try. I made a deal with myself when I went on Tysabri (12 months ago), that I would do my part as well. I did ok, but not as good as I'd like to. So on Monday, I didn't decide - I just let go of my daily caffeine and chose some things that are better for me, particularly when MS is flaring up. Today is day number 7. Hooray! I don't feel fabulous, yet. But I have hope that I will. I am not going drug-free or anything like that. Just wanting to give my body less to have to battle, and more that can actually help it. The trick for me is to stay balanced. It's not easy for me.

I think, for me to want to live as well as I can, I have to really value it. And also, maybe it helps not to be depressed. I have always had issues with depression and although I'm a lifelong antidepressant fan, I still struggle with it. Of course, one of the things that can help or hinder my depressions is my diet, etc.

I might blog more about what it is that I do when I'm "healthy trrish". I'd love to blur the boundary line between "healthy trrish" and "whatever trrish". Binary isn't the way to go.

So, if you read this, send me your psychic and cosmic support. And I'll send you some back. Note to flax seed oil: I'm baack.



ozzie said...

Take your parachute and jump, you can't stay here forever
When everyone else is gone, being all alone won't seem that clever
Take your parachute and go, there's gonna have to be some danger
Take your parachute and jump, you're gonna have to take flight

If the wind don't catch you, I will, I will
If the wind's not there, I'm here

Don't look out before you, you know it's a long way down
I'll make it safer for you, your parachute won't let you down
Take your parachute and go, and maybe come back tomorrow
Take your parachute, I am, stop you ever getting sorrow

Cause the winds might change, and the winds might blow over you
And the winds might cut you in two, unless perhaps you get a raincoat

Take your parachute and go, and wave to me as you are falling
Take your parachute and jump, you'll hear a sound, it's just me calling
It's a beautiful day for jumping, and nothing's here to keep you back
I'll make it safer for you, your parachute is on your back

Cause the winds might change, and the winds might change

Take a parachute, I am

And jump (the wind should come and catch you)
And jump (before you hit the ground)
And jump (the wind should come and catch you)
And jump (before you hit the ground)
Take your parachute

trrish said...

Aw Sweet.

Anonymous said...

Hi Trrish:

I don't have all the answers....hell, I don't even have half the answers. But I do know that diet helps in dealing with all the MS crap.

I am personally against sugar own reasons lean toward intestinal distress and weird tastes in my mouth. So I am a pure sugar user. But that does not mean to say my whole diet is full of sugar. It means that I allow myself to "indulge in sugar" products but with some restrictions in exactly how much sugar.

So that is one of the things I wanted to mention to you when I read your blog today.

Next, UTI's. I am on my 2nd round of antibiotics and can honestly say this cycle is working. Anyone who self-cath's runs the risk of UTI. But when I add alot of yeast products (breads, cakes, etc.) to my diet (as a cheat usually) I will pay for it with a UTI.

Soda is indulged when I go out to dinner, but usually I do not drink it at home. Up until 1980, I used to drink nothing but soda (regular, not diet) and almost no water. I also weighed about 110 pounds. As soon as I got on a healthy diet, I started to gain weight. When the gall bladder came out and after the hysterectomy, I gained 70 pounds and am hating it.

I exercise every day - something. Floor exercises, walking in place (esp if I don't have anyone to go out with me to walk), and a number of core exercises.

Depression is part and parcel with MS but it has been baggage for me since I was a young child. They had more vicious names for it then.
NOW, I love my prozac and nothing comes between me and my prozac!

Staying balanced with MS is an oxymoron because balance affects MS. So I thought your post was funny in that regard. Staying balanced in diet in almost impossible because we are human.

I told you once that it was easier to tell you what I don't eat as opposed to what I do eat.

I do not eat corn (corn products, corn on cob, side dish corn at dinner etc.), beef (in any form), diet products (nothing that has additives), red things (any red foods - tomatoes (acid), beets, peppers, apples (unless it is plain no additive applesauce), greasy foods (or anything cooked in oil or fried), fatty foods (pork, turkey, chicken trimmed), wheat products (I have a gluten problem and some IBS issues).

I do eat cream of rice cereal, white bread, white flour products all in moderation. I call them "cheats". LOL

I do not take any MS drugs - pills or injectibles. Tysabri is being pushed at me but I will not give in. I went through a slew of "treatments and therapies" from 1976 when I was diagnosed up until 1985 and I only got worse. I've been doing what I am doing for me since then and I think it is best for me.

I will treat periodically with prednisone for flares or disturbances, and with IV Solu medrol when I need more than just prednisone, but nothing stronger.

My last MRI showed no new lesions even though I myself am noticing some cognitive dysfunction. But it is miniscule and probably not evident on MRI yet. I try to get annual MRI, sometimes I am off by a month or two but usually I am on target with the time.

I've read CC's blog too and knowing what we now know about Tysabri, I still say it is not worth the risk of picking up another disease in trying to treat MS. PML is scary and being a Type A personality that I am, I would paranoid myself into imagining every single symptom.

I took chemotherapy in 1978 or so because that was the school of thought then - to kill off stuff. Well it killed everything off all right and I lost my hair, my health and my mind.

Plasmapheresis was another walk in the park (not!) They never tell you how sick you are going to be.

ACTH was another treatment no longer in use that I tried.

ALl these were given a try because I was so sick and "listened" to docs who had far more education that I did. So I decided to get educated.

And although I can't tell you everything I "know", I can tell you that diet, exercise and supplements are my treatment plan. I have had RRMS since 1976, am still walking (although I had some down time in w/c due to stroke and relapses) and still have my brains, which if I lost my mind, I would probably just cash it all in.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and sharing on your blog.


trrish said...


thank you for your thoughtful comments.

I am watching the sweeteners. I kick my diet soda habit because of both the caffeine and the aspartame. As my son likes to say "that can't be good."

I'm interested in why you don't eat what you don't. I like that you have cheats. I think you have to. Or, I have to. If I plan for them, then i don't have to go off the wall and binge at some point.

The MS medication thing is just such a personal choice. I find steroids to be one of the harshest things I can do. All I can say about Tysabri is that I read everything I could, prayed and let it sit for a while. I hated every single other MS drug I tried, and I don't hate Ty. I'm quite fond of it, actually. I know it's a small risk and I've made my peace with it.

Some good news is that yesterday I had a ton of energy - I think the benefits of my detox were kicking , as well as the benefits of being on and off the antibiotic.