Thursday, October 04, 2007

You didn't see it, you didn't hear it

Movies I Wish I'd Never Seen

I was watching Jerry Seinfeld on 30 Rock tonight. I love Jerry, and can't think of anything I ever regretted watching that he was involved with.

My vote on this episodes was, too much 30 Rock, not enough Jer. But I can never get enough Jer. If you love Jerry, and you also like Garry Shandling, Garry's DVD of "not only the best of Larry Sanders" is a must see. Please, rent the disc that has the Jerry interview on it.

The last few days I've been thinking about movies I've seen that I wish I hadn't. And the winners are:

Reservoir Dogs
American Psycho
The Devil's Advocate
That weird gynecologist movie with Jeremy Irons
Special mention to "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit", and the show my grandfather was watching when I was about 7 in which two bad guys tripped another guy so he'd fall down right in front of a bus, and the bus ran over him. It was some cop show was back in the late 60's.

My new idea is that there should be a special rating code, say, "A", which indicates there are scenes of abuse of some kind that might be harmful to people who were formerly abused. A surgeon general's warning. Maybe "T" - "Movies the Surgeon General Reommends that trrish does not see!"

Let's consider -

the movie "Seven". My husband and I wandered in whenever it first came out not knowing a thing about it except maybe that Kevin Spacey and Brad Pitt were in it. I sat frozen, stunned by the evil in it. If it was now, I would just stand up and leave. But back then, I wasn't conscious enough to do that. The particular things that are stuck in my head are the scene where he is making the overweight man gorge on spagetti he has stuffed with sharp shards of some kind, never mind the final scene with the beheaded wife.

If there was a pill that would remove scenes of my choosing from my mind, I would use it for all of these.

"American Psycho" ...and we're done with the chicken fried rice, as Chandler would say. There's a scene in this film which is, allegedly or supposedly or possibly, taking place in Christian Bale's mind, but is permanently burned into mine. He is doing unthinkable things to a woman underneath the sheets with creepy looking tools. I don't have the stomach to say more. I can't have sex without thinking of it. Looks like I picked the wrong life to quit drinking. Is there a drug that temporarily blocks your memory?

"Reservoir Dogs" Thanks fucking Quentin Tarantino for ruining Stealer's Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle with You" for me. Famous scene, nasty scene, never should have seen it. Torture is not something I want to see, never mind experience. In fact, I'd say that watching torture is in fact, torture.

The Jeremy Irons movie. It might have been called 'Twins', but that might have been a Swartzanegger movie. All I needed to see was a mentally ill gynecologist and his set of tools and I was thoroughly done.

Law and Order: SVU wins the prize for an episode where a crazy guy kidnaps a mom and her two tweenage girls and the guy rapes the younger one in the next room, within earshot of the mom. Thank you Rene Balcer and Dick Wolf.

I know, watching Law and Order is a questionable practice for someone allergic to the "T" rating. I rarely do it anymore, and certainly never do it without checking the story first.

Even "The 40 year old Virgin" fucked me up with the donkey story.

I tend to stick with comedies these days, but have learned I can't trust my friend Judd Apatow. I'll just have to keep watching 'Freaks and Geeks' forever.

Lastly, The Devil's Advocate. With Al Pacino as the devil, doing evil sexual things with other men's wives. Let's fact it, Pacino and Bale are on my "can't watch list" for at least another 10 years.

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