Monday, August 13, 2007

They should call it Roundtine!

So, on Saturday I had a "fatigue day". This was not related to my wardrobe. I have given up trying to determine why MS fatigue strikes. I know it dependably strikes when I have an infection of any kind. But on Saturday, I didn't have anything like that that I knew of. Possibly, there's a relationship with stuff that I'm cognitively processing getting overwhelming. I don't know - but I slept a lot on Saturday. I do know that one day, about 20 years from now, this will all be explained. I took Dagny out to get school supplies at one point, and we had a salad together. That was nice. I came back and slept some more.

On Sunday, I felt better physically, but was rather depressed, which has been going on all week. Sunday night, I cleverly decided to take a few vitamins, along with the various medications I'm taking right now. Trying to do something to promote health. Seemingly, something I took did not agree with me and it was as if I'd drank 3 cups of coffee at midnight. I was wired, full of anxiety, fear and loathing. I was still awake 10 hours later at 6:00 am. I later read all the ingredients on the various vitamins but couldn't identify what would cause that. I had to take off from work so I could get sleep. I don't like going to work after being up for 24 hours. I slept for about 3 or 4 hours.

I had a long talk with Ozzie later about my feelings of fatigue and depression. It was helpful. If I can figure out how to more successfully balance work, kids, medical shit plus live with MS, it would be good. Ozzie had some ideas that were helpful. One thing that would help is a pill that stops negative thinking. My mind is almost hilarious in the way it traps me into negative shit. But it comes and goes in cycles. I might have a good month, then a bad one. I don't know what the pattern is related to, though some people who know me (like Paul) suggest it might have something to do with whether or not The Who is touring.

My insurance company did approve Tysabri for me, I found out on Friday. I felt the old-Sally- Fields-stunned-response - "they like me? they really like me?". I don't know if they really like me, but they do think I'm "Tysabri-worthy". I guess I had really expected them not to cover it. (see Phone Ahead, Avoid Disappointment). So, the next hurdle is to have the scheduling people get the 'order' and then they call me to schedule.

A funny thing about Sunday night was, while I was not sleeping, an old friend, Ed Amenta, popped into my mind. I went to graduate school with him, at the University of Chicago. Unlike me, he actually got his Phd in sociology. I left after my prelims, which I passed, I might add. I wanted to know that I could have done it if I really wanted to. But I wanted a different life than what I was experiencing at U of C. I am slightly tortured by whether Columbia would have been a better choice for me. I was very persuaded by the aura surrounding U of C. While checking email later today, I saw the daily email I get from the Chronicle of Higher Ed. I almost never have a chance to look at it. But today I did. And I saw a reference to an article written by a sociology professor and decided to check it out. I was shocked when I clicked on it to see it was written by Ed.

Isn't that weird?


Paul O'Brian said...

Ha! I read that article. How strange to know that I'm only two degrees separated from that guy.

Also, I don't really think your depression is related to Who tours, just that Who tours can be an excellent distraction from it. You need to come up with a different one for when they're not touring!

trrish said...

I don't know. The Who tour theory is working for me.

I think it's my role in life to be separated by two degrees from everybody.