After ditching all my other blog posts in a fit of anger, I find I am wanting to write. So I will. I'm not looking for an audience, or a comment from Pete Townshend or attention. Just a place to collect my thoughts. Got stuff on my mind.
First, I'm having the damndest (?) time with food. What to eat, what not to eat. How much freaking energy has food taken from my life? Thinking about it, worrying about it, eating it, not eating it, dieting, not dieting, bingeing, purging, anticipation before it, guilt after it.
I don't know what else to do but pray.
My poor food habits are affecting my health right now. You should see how long it takes me to type correctly. Can't get the letters and words right.
What if I just type without editing? I don't know f I can do it.
I was thinking of making a list of foods that are healthy for me , and focus on eating those. If there's room for more, fine.
How can I do any more research? I've read everything ever written about food. f I had to make a list, it would be:
Whole grains - to some degree.
Snacks of a better kind
nuts - dates - bananas - apples
Other things - Adrian. Whether to send him off to another school next year. It is a hell of a lot of money.
There are times I wish that the Lord. God . The universe. Would just send me a letter and tell me. Here. Here it is. This is it. This is what you should do.
So, if the universe did send me such a letter, what would it say?
Here's how to get the most out of your life.
Watch what you are putting in your mouth. You have a tendency to do things without thinking and it doesn't serve you well.
Get rid of the things that are hard for you to avoid - like the "healthy cookies". Have things around that you don't have to feel bad about. You know what's good. Trust your instincts, not your childish desires.
Stop eating before you feel full. Practice it. You've done it before.
You would do well to resinstate your meditation time in the morning. You would do well to bring back the walking. It doesn't seem lke there is enough time in your day, it's true. Take a look at what time you have that you are using for other things you don't need. Such as chit chat at work. Internet time.
You've seen how much better things work when you "choose life".
Once you get some healthy food back in you, and some walking, you will start feeling the benefits. Your breakouts will stop. You will have more energy. You will.
Just try it one day at a time. One part of one day at a time.
Give yourself some hope. We, the spirits of love in the universe, what you call God, we want you to succeed at feeling good. There are so many things you are here to do.
We know you don't like your job. Right now, it does provide you with money you need to certain things, and with the flexibility you need for the kids. Give it as much as you can. You will find something works out for you if you keep your eyes and ears open.
Don't worry about Scott. Be there for him as much as you can. You have been generous with him recently. You can continue that, and you will benefit from his happiness.
Make time for prayer. You can do it anywhere. When you worry about someone, pray for them. Not for a specific thing for them, but generally for them, for their peace.
In sum, get your energy back. And then keep it back. And use what you have for your good, and other's good. Don't worry about your weight righ tnow. Focus on energy.
Caffeine - stick to your teas. Diet pepsi is for occasional use only.